


long road home

by jinxfabray



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Pining, people getting drunk, very light angst, very vague side baeksoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-19 04:15:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12402807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinxfabray/pseuds/jinxfabray
Summary: minseok kisses jongdae, breaks his heart, then falls in love with him. in that order.





	long road home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xiuchens](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xiuchens/gifts).



> HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY FEFA I LOVE U THE MOST   
> this isnt the xiuchen u deserve but its the xiuchen i managed to write  
> i promise u lots of better, longer xiuchens in the future  
> i love u
> 
> thanks to aye for being the best, and to allie and eddy for reading through this!!

Minseok kisses Jongdae at four am on a Saturday - technically a Sunday, he figures. He's twenty one, still in uni, and he kisses Jongdae hard, with his hands cupping his face to keep him still. 

It's a good kiss, but it happens for all the wrong reasons, and Minseok is the only one of the two who knows it. He doesn't kiss Jongdae because he's gorgeous, or because it's easy to tell how nice Jongdae is, how kind and funny into him. He kisses him because he's right there, sitting outside by himself in the middle of a party, and Minseok just saw his almost boyfriend kissing someone else, so he wants to kiss another person and make it even. 

It's so stupid because they weren't really dating but it felt like it, and they even came together to Baekhyun's birthday party but in the two minutes it took Minseok to go to the bathroom, his date found someone better. It merely reminds him of a lesson he should've learned already, and he says so to Jongdae once he pulls away to breathe. 

“Relationships are lame,” Minseok starts saying out of nowhere, between kisses. “Love is good when it's your mom that you love, or your friends, or your cat. But romantic love is overrated.”

It goes on, and it ends up being a pretty long rant that Jongdae doesn't respond to, but he doesn't blame him. Minseok is drunk and oblivious, and in the future he'll remember this as the beginning of a beautiful friendship, because he doesn't turn to look at Jongdae not even once while he's speaking. 

If he had, he'd known that's the first time he breaks Jongdae's heart.    
  
  


 

(five years later) 

  
  
  


 

It’s only ten pm when Minseok hears the front door, and he shares a knowing look with Baekhyun, who’s typing away on his laptop while Minseok watches a football game. Jongdae left the house an hour ago, waving goodbye and telling them not to wait up for him, but neither of his roommates is surprised to see him walking back into their apartment so soon already. Jongdae’s current boyfriend wasn’t all that great to begin with, but lately their dates have been more and more disastrous, and judging by the look on his face, this one was no exception.

Last time, he'd come home from their date looking all gloomy because his boyfriend wouldn't come with him to this work dinner he had. He'd ended up taking Baekhyun, who had probably been way better company than his boyfriend could have ever been, and Minseok had sort of hoped that would be enough to make him see this relationship was clearly going nowhere. He'd severely underestimated Jongdae's persistence when it came to dating assholes, clearly, because it's been a whole two weeks since that and yet Jongdae is once again walking into their living room looking like someone kicked a puppy in front of him.

"You're back early," Baekhyun says, with his characteristic subtlety. Jongdae groans as he drops himself on the couch next to Minseok, resting his head on his shoulder. 

"That bad, huh?" Minseok asks glancing at him, and when he sees his expression he twists around a little so he can put an arm around his neck and pull him in a little closer.

"We broke up," Jongdae closes his eyes, and Minseok looks back at Baekhyun. This is Jongdae's third break up in two years, so they have a bit of experience already on how to deal with this.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Baekhyun asks, closing his computer.

Minseok threads his fingers through Jongdae's hair, massaging his head gently. He leans into his touch automatically, sighing. Minseok doesn't think about how well they fit together, not even for a second.

"No," Jongdae says, and Minseok is close enough to his face to see he's closing his eyes real tight, like he's trying to stop tears or something. It takes a lot for him to stay still and not head out and find the dumbass dude who did this. "He said he'd been thinking about that event I asked him to and why he hadn't wanted to go, and that he realized he wasn't so keen on being seen with me."

He lets out a bitter laugh and Minseok's blood is straight up boiling now because what the fuck. What the actual fuck. Jongdae is lots of good things, but he's especially great with people, and he always leaves the best impression on strangers. He's kind and charming, and Minseok has never felt such violent impulses towards someone he's never seen before.

"I brought the ice cream, but maybe we should save it for when Minseok breaks your ex's nose," Baekyhun jokes, but the anger in his tone is obvious. "In case he punches him too hard and needs ice for his knuckles, get it," he says, and even his laughter comes out a bit forced, Jongdae opens his eyes and sort of smiles, so Minseok thinks they can count it as a win.

"It's not worth it," Jongdae says, and Minseok hates knowing he doesn't mean the guy isn't worth it, even though that much should be obvious. He's merely thinking about himself, and it only makes Minseok want to beat someone up even more.

Jongdae is worth the entire world, and a lot more than that too, but Minseok knows there's no point in telling him that now, not when the wounds are so fresh. He hates how well he knows Jongdae's stages of sadness, even if it comes in handy quite often, because Jongdae should be happy always, and Minseok would give a lot to be the one in charge of making sure of that. But he's pretty sure Jongdae doesn't see him like that, never has, and Minseok values having him as a best friend too much to risk it by telling him how he feels or anything even close to that.

Later that night, after they've had their ice cream and watched the rest of Minseok's game and then two episodes of whatever drama was on TV, Baekhyun gets up and stretches, yawning. Jongdae's sound asleep on Minseok's shoulder, so he doesn't dare move, and Baekhyun raises his eyebrows at them. He thinks Minseok should just go for it and confess, like that wouldn't potentially ruin the perfect household dynamics they've built over the years, and he makes sure to remind Minseok of this every single time he can. It's quite obvious the only reason he's not saying something about it now is because he doesn't want to bother Jongdae, and because he's not dumb and wouldn't ever say it anywhere near him either. Minseok appreciates him for that, even if he still wants to kick him for being so insistent about the confession that will never happen.

Eventually, after Minseok's watched two whole games from 1987, Jongdae stirs awake.

"Ah, sorry," he says, moving away from Minseok like he's suddenly gone shy, and rubbing at his eyes. "Crying myself to sleep on someone's shoulder wasn't exactly how I planned this Friday evening to go, but I'm glad it was your shoulder at least."

Things like this are how Minseok knows for sure Jongdae has no idea how he feels. He wouldn’t play with his heart like this if he was aware of how it tugs at its strings, making them feel like they might snap at any second.

“My shoulder will always be here for you to sleep on,” Minseok says, offering a smile that Jongdae mirrors right away. 

Jongdae looks at him for a moment, just smiling at him warmly, like he’s got something in his mind. In the end, he doesn’t say anything, just gets to his feet and stretches with his arms above his head, letting out a sigh. 

“I’m gonna go to bed, got some intense staring at the ceiling I should do,” Jongdae says, and his smile’s a little less real when he looks back at Minseok. It sucks because Minseok knows exactly what he’s thinking, even if this relationship barely lasted a couple of months, and he hopes with all his heart he won’t say it. “I really thought it was working, you know. I kind of -- I thought maybe this could be it.”

He means love, Minseok knows it. He’s not saying it because Minseok is probably failing at controlling his facial expression, but he wants to say he could’ve fallen in love, and it makes Minseok want to yell. Not at Jongdae, obviously, but it’s so frustrating to see someone who’s so competent in every other aspect of his life be so dumb about this, he wouldn’t mind going outside and yelling at the sky for a little while.

Jongdae doesn’t wait for him to say anything, probably because they’ve had this conversation a billion times before, and Minseok stares at his bedroom door for a long time after he’s closed it. He could’ve tried saying something again, telling Jongdae how he deserves so much better, how he should stop trying so hard to fall for idiots because love should happen more organically than that. But those kind of conversations always end up with Jongdae saying stupid things like that people find it hard to fall for him, and Minseok has to bite his tongue not to give him the most obvious example of how wrong he is about that.

 

It was extremely easy for Minseok to fall for him.

  
  
  
  


(Minseok doesn't remember giving him his number, but he's still pleased to get a text from Jongdae a couple of days after that party at which they kissed. They start hanging out, with Baekhyun too because it soon becomes evident they're a package deal, him and Jongdae, and it's been a while since Minseok’s made such good friends with anyone this quickly. 

It takes them a year and a half to ditch their terrible uni roommates and get an apartment for the three of them, but it only takes Minseok three months to fall in love with Jongdae. It's probably why they waste so much time before moving in together when it's obvious they get along much better than with any of their current roommates - Minseok worries about his own heart, because Jongdae has a boyfriend and it's hard enough having to witness him dating someone else from afar, he can't imagine what it would be like to watch him come home at eight am looking pleased and exhausted. But then they break up, and it's the first of the many messy break ups Jongdae will go through in the following years, but at the time it just feels like a sign. 

Minseok doesn't think living together will end in him finally winning his heart, he knows Jongdae is out of his league and even if he wasn't, he's already shown a tendency to fall for people who treat him terribly. Minseok may not think all that highly of himself, but he knows he's not that kind of person, for sure. But maybe if he can be around, next time Jongdae ends up getting his heart broken by some asshole, he can help him pick up the pieces and move on faster than if he does it from a distance. 

It seems like a good idea at the time, but in hindsight, Minseok knows his logic was terribly flawed and he should've known his heart was just making excuses for wanting to be around Jongdae as much as possible. He's helped him through every break up, yes, and it's indeed been made easier by how Jongdae doesn't even have to put on shoes if he wants to come knocking on his door at three am. But his own heart’s gotten so bruised in the process, if he was looking at his own life from the outside he'd tell himself to get out of this apartment before things get worse.) 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Minseok gets another beer and sits on a stool by the bar to wait for it, just because it’s easier and not at all because he’d rather not go back to their table, where Jongdae is animatedly talking to that guy Kyungsoo brought along. He can see them from where he’s sitting, and he’s surprised at himself for still getting so worked up over this when he’s witnessed this exact scene playing out so many times before. Jongdae is beautiful and he’s the best kind of loud, it never takes long for him to get people coming up to him after he’s stopped wallowing in his post break-up sadness. It’s impossible not to notice him, and when he sees the way the guy smiles at him when Jongdae laughs, all crinkly eyed and so, so pretty, all Minseok can think is that he can definitely relate.

“Well, isn’t this completely unprecedented,” Baekhyun says, materializing out of thin air just to torture Minseok, as always. “Kim Minseok, staring wistfully at his least attractive roommate without even considering he could actually do something about his obvious eternal crush instead of wasting away the fifteen seconds Jongdae’s gonna be single for -”

Minseok regrets not having pinched his neck before he got that far in his sentence, because as always, despite being obnoxious Baekhyun is also kind of right. Except he’s also entirely wrong, because Minseok can’t ever do anything about his so-called crush. He appreciates being friends with Jongdae, and he knows he doesn’t reciprocate his feelings, so there’s really no point in even thinking about saying anything. They’ve been over this so many times, he doesn’t know how Baekhyun isn’t tired of arguing over it by now.

“Talking about wasting time, why don’t you go annoy your boyfriend while he’s actually in the same city as you,” Minseok deadpans.

“Oh, Kyungsoo is doing fine without me,” Baekhyun gestures with a hand as if to shrug it off, which is suspicious by itself, but combined with the way the corner of his mouth is twitching like he’s fighting off a grin, it’s just plain obvious he’s hiding something.

“What aren’t you telling me, Byun? Are you planning on leaving us?”

“For a whole month,” Baekhyun grins, and Minseok is truly glad for him but suddenly he thinks about being alone with Jongdae in their apartment for a whole thirty days and fears for his life. It probably shows in his face, because next thing Baekhyun says is, “don’t worry, it’s actually just three weeks and it won’t be for another two months, so you can prepare for my absence. I know you’ll miss me horribly and it’s gonna be super clean and everything, but I’ll be back soon and i’ll bring back all my dirty laundry so I can throw it everywhere as fast as I can.”

Sometimes Minseok really wonders how it is that Baekhyun and him went from being classmates to friends to roommates when he spends so much of his time wanting to kill him.  

“I’m sure we’ll be able to manage without you,” he says rolling his eyes, though the fondness seeps through a little. 

The bar is crowded and loud, and Minseok is distracted by Baekhyun being dumb, but he still hears Jongdae’s laugh ringing from across the room. It echoes, rich and gorgeous, and Minseok doesn’t dare look back, because he knows what he’ll find.

“It’s not too late, they’re really just talking,” Baekhyun interrupts his inner monologue like he was listening to it, and he’s gone serious. 

He takes a sip from his beer and shrugs. This isn’t serious, Minseok wants to say. It’s a dumb crush, and if Jongdae is making eyes at Kyungsoo’s work friend, then so be it. Minseok doesn’t mind. He does not care.

Jongdae doesn’t go home with them that night, and Minseok stares at the ceiling until the sun comes up and he smells Kyungsoo being a good boyfriend and making breakfast for everyone. When Jongdae comes back at ten am, Minseok puts on his best smile and definitely doesn’t check for hickeys.

  
  
  
  
  


The original plan was that they would drive Baekhyun and Kyungsoo off to the airport, but there’s two whole months that go by between them making that decision and now, and when the time comes for them to leave, things are different. Jongdae’s boyfriend has a huge car, and Minseok decides the night before he’ll have a headache and stay, because the mere idea of having to endure the trip back home alone in the car with Jongdae and the guy whose name he refuses to learn sounds just terrible.

While Baekhyun gets to reconnect with his boyfriend in rome for three weeks, Minseok gets to live without a buffer between him and his existential crisis. He would never admit to needing Baekhyun, but the truth is, he doesn’t know how he’s gonna manage having dinner by himself when Jongdae goes out, knowing he’s with that dude. 

At least this boyfriend isn’t the worst Jongdae’s had so far. Minseok doesn’t have to go through watching Jongdae fall apart by himself, and for that, he’s thankful. Even if it means that things are going well between Jongdae and whatshisname, Minseok has reached a point in his life in which he’s seen Jongdae unhappy far too many times and he’ll take anything that keeps him smiling.

On most nights, though, Jongdae’s boyfriend is busy with work, and he comes home to Minseok. They cook together, and it’s a lot easier without Baekhyun constantly trying to eat their ingredients before they’ve used them. Jongdae always has papers to grade, so as soon as they’re done washing up, he sits on the couch next to Minseok and chews on his pen as he goes through them. Minseok’s shift always leaves him too tired to do anything that requires thinking in the slightest, so he watches old football games and listens to Jongdae ramble on about university, his feet on Minseok’s lap every single time. 

It’s so domestic and perfect, it’s easy for Minseok to forget some nights Jongdae doesn’t come home at all.   
  
  


Baekhyun comes home eventually, clearly having recharged his energies after having Kyungsoo all to himself for a whole month, and everything progresses just as it always has. Jongdae goes on dates, Minseok stays home to keep Baekhyun company while he counts how many days until he sees his boyfriend again. Nothing seems to be out of the ordinary, except for how Jongdae’s dates seem to only be getting better, rather than exponentially worse as time goes by.

Minseok is just glad to see Jongdae happy. He is. He’s nowhere near being over him, but he’s been dealing with the aching hole in his heart for so long, he’s become numb to it. Up until now, he’d always known the guys Jongdae dated were terrible, but this is easier to live with. At least he’s with someone who truly appreciates him this time, and it isn’t so hard to watch. It looks like it’s going so well, Jongdae seems to have even stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop, like he always does. 

It’s a surprise for everyone when he gets his heart broken again. After a whole five months of absolute bliss, it ends in a quiet way, but it had been so painless up until then Minseok can see it’s possibly worse than every other time before this one because there was no preparation for this. 

The fact that it happens right on Jongdae’s birthday definitely doesn’t help.

Minseok watches Jongdae stare at his phone as people keep showing up at his party, and he glances back at his own phone to check the time, but time passes by and there’s no sign of -- nope, Minseok doesn’t remember the name of this one either. It’s a weak defense mechanism, he knows that. Jongdae gets increasingly sadder as hours tick by, but he puts up a front, and it kills Minseok to see every single friend of theirs come up to him and ask about his boyfriend because he’s so good at keeping it cool, no one suspects a thing. Baekhyun was basically wasted after the first two shots, but he’s still being suspiciously quiet and Minseok figures he’s noticed it too. He’s a good friend, even when he’s drunk, and because Minseok is also a good friend who doesn’t want Baekhyun to end up feeling sick, he’s been switching cups with him whenever he gets distracted. It’s a win win, because Baekhyun doesn’t go past the point of being a happy drunk, and Minseok gets to feel he’s doing something selfless, besides getting free alcohol.

At some point, he notices Jongdae isn’t in the bar anymore, and he’s drunk enough to go outside looking for him, even though he knows he might find him with the dumb boyfriend in case he’s stopped being so dumb and decided to finally show up.

Jongdae’s sitting on the curb all by himself, shivering, and Minseok feels fifteen different things at once seeing him hugging his knees like that, but mostly he feels outraged because Jongdae’s not wearing a coat and it’s freezing out here. He takes off the one he’s wearing, because he may have more alcohol running through his veins than blood at the moment but that didn’t stop him from being responsible at all, and throws it over Jongdae’s shoulders before sitting next to him.

“Ah, it’s you,” Jongdae says, and he sounds -- not disappointed, not at all. He sounds relieved. Like he was worried it would be someone else. “I’m fine, I was just getting some air.”

“You were getting yourself a fever, that’s what you’re getting yourself sitting outside like this,” Minseok replies and he didn’t mean to sound this affronted but he’s never been good at controlling his tongue when he’s drunk. 

“Sorry,” Jongdae attempts to smile, sounding sheepish, and Minseok frowns even harder because he doesn’t quite smile, not for real, and it’s so stupid that the best person he’s ever met is having a bad time on his own birthday because of some lame random guy who couldn’t appreciate his luck. “Go inside, it’s warmer, everyone’s having fun -- I’ll be back in a minute.”

“No,” Minseok shakes his head, scooting up closer because Jongdae’s still shivering and he must keep him warm. “Wanna tell me what happened?”

Jongdae lets out a dry laugh, and closes his eyes really tight for a moment.

“Nothing happened,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. “He’s just not coming, I guess. He probably forgot, i’m guessing, since I texted him a very casual what’s up hours ago and he very casually said he was just about to go to sleep. I mean, he could also be planning a very big surprise, but it is four am and he hasn’t been online since we last talked, so.”

It’s such a silly thing, but Jongdae looks so sad Minseok can’t help but be absolutely furious.

“I thought things were going fine,” he makes himself say, because even though his every feeling is burning at the tip of his tongue, wanting to come out, he knows better. He’ll never be drunk enough to confess to Jongdae with such bad timing, not when he’s vulnerable and sad about something that might be easy to fix. Maybe he really did forget, maybe he’s a forgetful guy, and everything will be fine when they talk it out and he apologizes and does some big romantic gesture. 

“Oh god no, things were not going fine at all,” Jongdae shakes his head, looking miserable. “I didn’t want to worry anyone -- well no, mostly I didn’t want people to see me screw up yet another relationship so quickly,” he laughs again. “At least this time I was smarter about it and managed not to get so stupidly into something that wouldn’t last, you know. Maybe I’m finally learning this is all i’m ever gonna get, just like -- glimpses of relationships.”

“God, stop being so dumb,” Minseok says and it’s way harsher than he would have ever wanted to be, but Jongdae looks like he’s on the verge of tears, and that fourth shot of tequila is making Minseok forget his boundaries. He grabs Jongdae’s hands in his, eyes widening at how cold they are. “At least your hands are tiny,” he comments because they are truly small enough for him to cover them with his and try to warm them up.

“What,” Jongdae frowns, confused, but he lets Minseok do whatever he wants with his hands, relaxing into his touch.

“You’re so dumb sometimes, I don’t get it,” Minseok carries on, because he can’t stay quiet, not when Jongdae is pressing up against him like a kitten looking for warmth. “You keep going out with these big grey clouds that dim you down, it’s terribly stupid. You’re the sun, Jongdae,” he says seriously, pausing his rubbing of Jongdae’s hands to look him in the eyes, so he can be sure he’s paying attention. “You’re the actual sun, you should be shining through stupid clouds, not letting them cover you up for so long.”

“Thanks?” Jongdae says, laughing very quietly, but at least it’s real now and that’s enough to make Minseok smile back. God, He’s in love. He’s known it since forever, but looking at Jongdae blinking at him fondly, so amused at him being drunk, it feels like falling in love all over again. “But the sun is very lonely, up there in the sky. Maybe that’s why I keep looking for clouds.”

“The sky is full of stars,” Minseok waves him off dismissively, still not letting go of his hands. He could say something. Now would be a terrible time, but he could just go for it, open his mouth, say the words. Instead, he says, “There’s also the moon, but Jongdae -- you deserve stars. All of them. Whichever you like.”

Jongdae laughs a bit louder, and Minseok lets him pull a hand away to subtly wipe a tear from his cheek. 

“You’re a good friend, hyung,” he says, grinning, and Minseok squeezes his hand a little.

“You should go inside, it’s warmer and there’s tons of people waiting to give you their love,” Minseok nods towards the bar, and Jongdae gets to his feet.

“Thanks,” he says, hesitating for a second, but then he’s going back to his party, and Minseok stays there for another while.

He could’ve said something, but he’s glad he didn’t. Maybe there will be a right time soon. He can only hope.

  
  
  
  
  


(Jongdae breaks up with his boyfriend the morning after his birthday, and both Minseok and Baekhyun offer to take him out for breakfast in unison as soon as they hear him end the call. they go for waffles and Jongdae laughs through the whole meal like Minseok hasn’t heard him do in a long, long time.)

  
  
  
  


In the end, it happens exactly like it should. Baekhyun manages to talk his boss into letting him work from home for a whole week and takes off the second he agrees, jumping on a plane because he didn’t specify he didn’t mean his apartment when he said home but like, his actual home, right by Kyungsoo’s side. Jongdae tells Minseok about this while laughing fondly at their very whipped friend, and Minseok giggles along, like he doesn’t have it just as bad.

They’re domestic when Baekhyun’s around, but when he’s gone, it intensifies and reaches levels that would make anyone who was looking from the outside get suspicious. Jongdae rests his chin on Minseok’s shoulder while he makes them dinner, leans on his shoulder when they’re watching tv, sneaks into his bed on sunday when they can sleep in. They’ve always been like this, and Minseok’s gotten pretty good at not letting it get his hopes up even when it feels like he has everything he could ask for, except not quite the way he would rather have it.

It’s a Thursday at half past six in the morning, and Minseok’s alarm goes off -- again. He’s never this bad at getting up, but it’s too cold outside and his bed is so, so warm. He sees Jongdae walking past his door, looking very much asleep. Minseok closes his eyes, listens to him open the bathroom door, close it, open it again. Steps walking back from the bathroom and down the hall, and then they should fade but instead, he cracks an eye open and sees Jongdae walking into his room.

“It’s freezing,” he mumbles, shoving Minseok aside to make room for himself. “Don’t wanna go to work.”

Minseok has the lunch shift at the cafe, which is good because he gets to take it easy in the morning and even stay in bed a little longer if he feels like it, but he knows Jongdae needs to be in class in forty five minutes so he shouldn’t be falling asleep again, especially not on Minseok’s pillow. 

“We’re only two days away from the weekend,” Minseok smiles, leaning in to brush Jongdae’s hair away from his face. Jongdae has the nerve to pout at him, like Minseok has the strength to deal with this so early in the morning. He has to make a herculean effort to retrieve his hand from his face instead of like, thumbing his lip when he’s pouting like that.

“How’s that supposed to comfort me,” Jongdae whines. “Why don’t /i/ get to work from home, like Baekhyun does. It’s so much warmer in here.”

“I don’t see how you could teach from home unless it was like, online? You should ask about that,” Minseok says.

“I hate online courses,” Jongdae groans, scooting up closer to Minseok. “I bet Baekhyun isn’t even getting any work done - I bet he gets to stay in bed with his boyfriend as long as he wants to.”

There’s a silence that stretches on because Minseok’s brain has sort of stopped working. He knows what Jongdae meant, but still, it sounded so much like something from an alternate universe he can’t quite get his brain to start functioning again.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jongdae snaps him out of his daze, looking a bit concerned.

The thing is, Jongdae’s been single for over a month now, and Minseok has been in love with him for at least five years. It would be ridiculous to pretend he can go on forever without saying anything, not when the mere thought of being the one Jongdae calls his boyfriend just sent his entire being into shutting down because it was too much to even imagine, and right now, with Jongdae’s nose nearly touching his own, it feels like saying something might be the only thing that saves him from combusting.

“Yeah,” Minseok nods slowly. “It’s just that, uh. I have to tell you something.”

Jongdae blinks, looking at him expectantly, and Minseok doesn’t even know where to start. There’s no easy way to do this, he thinks, and then he realizes there’s actually one way. The simple one. 

“I don’t -- you don’t have to say anything, I know we’re friends and I’m probably making everything weird but I just, I thought you should know,” he says quickly. like pulling off a band aid, he thinks. “I’m in love with you.”

“Huh,” is all that Jongdae has to say about it, it seems, and Minseok isn’t sure what to do with that. He doesn’t move away though, which Minseok chooses to take as a positive sign. “I thought you didn’t believe in that.”

It’s kind of awkward to be having this conversation with their faces so close together, so Minseok puts a little distance, raising his eyebrows.

“What.”

“You said romantic love was overrated?” Jongdae offers like Minseok could have any idea what he’s talking about. “And then you just, didn’t ever go past a one night stand with anyone ever again, so I kind of assumed it was for real?”

“No, seriously, what are you even talking about,” Minseok asks, digging through his brain to figure out under what circumstances he would have said such a ridiculous thing to Jongdae, out of all people.

“You were drunk, but you also said you were very honest when you were drunk,” Jongdae shrugs, but there’s a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. It suddenly hits Minseok, the party, how drunk he’d been, how that was a billion and five years ago and he can’t believe Jongdae even remembers that. “I really liked you and I was so excited because you were finally paying attention to me after all of my flirting attempts had failed so catastrophically, and then you kissed me and I felt like I was gonna explode because it was even better than I’d expected -- and then you said that. And now, now you’re in love with me?”

“Oh my god,” Minseok covers his face with his hands because this is for sure the worst thing that’s ever happened to him. He sabotaged himself, without even knowing it, losing his one chance with the guy he would then stupidly fall head over heels for. Brilliant. “I didn’t -- I was hurt, that night, and you were so pretty and we didn’t even know each other that much but you were so nice to me even though I was so wasted I wasn’t making any sense.”

“You were cute,” Jongdae says, finally grinning at him, and okay, maybe that wasn’t Minseok’s sole chance with him. “I can’t believe it’s been years and now you go and fall in love with me? After I’ve been stupidly pining for so long?”

“I’ve been in love with you for ages, what - wait, what?” Minseok’s left gaping, and Jongdae laughing doesn’t exactly help clarify the situation. 

“I kind of figured you weren’t entirely indifferent towards me after the whole speech about the stars,” Jongdae says, closing the distance between them and going back to being entirely pressed up against him. “But I couldn’t have imagined in a billion years you’d been in love with me since before that, I was so sure you weren’t into dating or stuff.”

“I’m not,” Minseok says quietly. “Like, if it’s not you, I never really saw the point. And I didn’t think you even liked me back, you were always going out with tall, dumb guys who were incredibly hot but also super blind.”

“Well, you’re incredibly hot and also apparently blind too, so maybe you’re just my type,” Jongdae chuckles, reaching to tap Minseok’s nose with his finger. 

“We’ve both been a bit blind, haven’t we,” Minseok smiles hesitantly, looking up at him. 

“When you said -- the other night, when you said those pretty things about the stars, you offered me the moon,” Jongdae says, going a little serious. “But the moon doesn’t shine on its own, so you could never be that for me, you know. You’ve always been such a constant light in my life, Kim Minseok, I hope you know that.”

“Is that your way of saying you still like me?” Minseok asks, because he’s one second away from kissing him but he’s gotta make sure before he does anything.

“I’m in love with you, obviously,” Jongdae rolls his eyes, which makes it significantly less romantic, but then he’s leaning in and kissing him and Minseok can’t find it in him to care.

  
  
  


(Baekhyun gags when he comes home and finds them cuddling on the couch, threatening to move out, but Minseok sees him smiling when he thinks they’re not looking and he knows he’s glad he doesn’t have to deal with both of them being blind anymore. Plus, they still let him get right between them when they cuddle, so he has nothing to complain about, not at all.)

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
